


This whole world will turn around

by Pearlislove



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963), Sarah Jane Adventures
Genre: Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bittersweet, F/M, Gen, Lost Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-26 04:21:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13849998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearlislove/pseuds/Pearlislove
Summary: After a day out with The Doctor, Sarah Jane is confronted by a shadow of her past, blurirng the line between reality and dream.Will Sarah Jane take her chance at hapiness, or is the hapiness she once had be doomed to stay burried ten feet under?





	This whole world will turn around

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Abboz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abboz/gifts).



> A gift for Abboz, who got me in a real SJS/Harry Sullivan shipping mood. Hope you love it sweetie!
> 
> Recommended listening: Lay me down by Loretta Lynn & Willie Nelson

Sarah Jane took a sip of her coffee, and sigh. She was tired and annoyed, having been waiting for The Doctor to return and take her home for hours now.  
  
Just her luck of course, Sarah Jane thought angrily. She agrees to go on one trip with The Doctor not too far in the past and nowhere else in the Universe, and only because he was begging… but as soon as they arrive, The Doctor has to leave! Babbling about cracks and energy and many other things that Sarah Jane didn't bother to understand, The Doctor had been off before she even had the chance to leave the TARDIS.   
  
All she cared about, was the fact that unless The Doctor returned, she'd be stuck over twenty years in the past with nothing to do but to wait. Wait for the Doctor to come, or for time to catch up, whichever came first.   
  
"Wait here, Harry! I just got to go and pick something up. I’ll be back in a moment, I promise." Right beside her, on the other side of the fence separating the outside tables of the café from the general crowds filling the street, is brown haired man. He is holding on to a young brunette, who is telling him to stay in place as she run to get him something.   


Looking at the two of them, Sarah Jane can feel a pain stirring in her gut as she realizes far too late that she recognises the man. His name is Harry Sullivan, and once he had been Sarah Jane’s lover.

  
"I'll wait, don't worry." Harry smiles, giving the brown haired girl before him a peck on the lips before chasing her away. "Go, old girl. Do what you have to! I'll be here when you return." He laughs, and Sarah Jane's heart speed up, beating violently in her chest as she watches her younger self run away from the scene.   
  
She had never realized how different she had been, once. How young and innocent she and Harry had used to be. Carefree, happy and determined to make the life together work.   
  
As Sarah sit and muse about the lost opportunities of her youth, Harry suddenly turns around to face her, his cheeks bright red and burning with embarrassment as she looked him straight in the eyes, the both of them surprised.   
  
"Sorry about that, Miss Smith. I wouldn't...I don’t...didn't mean for you to see that." He concludes, acting sheepish and smiling awkwardly at Sarah as he apologises. It takes her a minute of thinking what is going on, before she violently realizes what is happening.   
  
Harry thinks she is her aunt. Not Sarah Jane Smith, the niece, but Doctor Lavinia Smith, the aunt. Despite having pretended to be her on a few occasions in her youth, Sarah Jane had never thought herself particularly like the woman who raised her, but as she sat there she realized that that was clearly a miss conception.   
  
She laughed lightly, trying to stall as her mind worked desperately to try and figure out how her aunt may have acted in her place. "Oh, don't worry Mr Sullivan. I fully believe my niece knows what she is doing, and what is best for her. She has the Smith stubbornness.”   
  
Hearing this, Harry smiled politely and nodded. He was so young, she thought, very much different from the man that had give her one last kiss goodbye before heading out on a mission from which he never returned. "I really love Sarah Jane, Miss Smith. And...I hope that if I ever ask her to marry me you won't mind." Bashfully, he looked down at his shoes, and Sarah Jane felt her heart skipping a few beats. She had never known that Harry ever intended to marry her, and it saddens her to think that he never got around to doing it in the end.   
  
"Doctor" Sarah Jane corrected him, clinging on to her aunts persona and using it as a shield, protecting herself against the onslaught of emotions filling up her gut. "Doctor Smith. Miss Smith would be my niece, Mr Sullivan. It's Doctor Smith or just Lavinia for you young man."   
  
Harry nodded, his eyes still glued on his shoes. "Is that a promise that you won't mind?" He asked bravely, and Sarah Jane was very aware that her aunt, had she really been there, might just have slapped him at this point. She, however, opted for a more mellow but still somewhat in character option.   
  
Taking a sip of her coffee, she smiled slightly. "No one controle Sarah Jane, Mr.Sullivan. It would not matter if I hated or loved whoever she chose to settle down with. Sarah has always chosen her own options regardless." She paused, and sipped some more coffee. Her aunt had, in the end, always been supportive of Sarah Jane regardless of her own personal feelings on the matter. That wasn't to say she hadn't liked Harry, though. "But if it is important to you, then know I do not mind. You make her happy, and in this poor world that is all a woman can ever hope for."   
  
Lavinia Smith had, in the end, never married or had any kids of her own. Neither had she held particularly many relationships that Sarah Jane was aware of, but it had never stopped her from being a bleeding romantic at heart, something that she happily projected onto her niece.   
  
"Thank you, Mi...Dr. Smith." Harry bowed slightly, acting ever the gentleman before turning around to look across the street. Sarah Jane’s younger self was standing on the other side, calling for him and waving her hands in the air. Harry smiled softly. "I'm very sorry, Dr.Smith, but I think I need to leave now. I'm still on a date with your niece after all.” One last bow, and Harry was off. Her knight in charming armour going for his princess.

 

Sarah Jane watched him go, her heart beating painfully in her chest and tears dripping down her cheeks as she was hit with the full realisation of what she had just experienced, and how little of it would still be there when she got The Doctor to return her to her own time.

 

\---

 

Sarah Jane returns to her own time two days and three hours late, immensely furious at The Doctor and declining his polite offer to ‘try again’.

 

It is not real anger, they both know, and they would never let it affect their relationship long term, but for now The Doctor let her walk away angry.

 

Tiredly walking up to her house through the back garden, Sarah Jane is glad that Luke was away on a camp in Wales for the week, so that there wasn’t anyone worrying about her being late home.

 

To Sarah Jane’s surprise, when she approached the house, she could see that the lights were lit on the other side of the kitchen window. It confused her, because she was convinced that she had not left the lights on, but as she came closer she saw that not only was there lights lit inside, but someone had set up a big red candle that stood burning on her kitchen table. And Sarah Jane had certainly not put on _that_.

 

Now on guard, Sarah Jane carefully crept towards the backdoor. She had her sonic lipstick ready, already put in the laser setting as she reached out with one hand and unlocked the door. Hearing the click of the lock, Sarah Jane drew back, getting the door open with the help of one swift kick from her boot.

 

As the door swing open, Sarah Jane herself move forward, jumping into the kitchen and swinging the lipstick around. “Who are you…” She begins to talk, aiming to throw out a threat at however had broken into her home, but it fails half-way.

 

Sitting on a chair by Sarah Jane's kitchen table, half hidden in the shadows but still all too  recognisable in the weak light of the live candles, is Harry Sullivan.

 

He sees her, and he smile. “I was wondering when you’d come home.” He said, his eyes looking at her almost sympathetically.

 

“Ha...Harry?” Sarah Jane starred at the man in disbelief. After the exhausting emotional day she had had, she didn’t dare to trust her own eyes. After having met his younger self earlier, she was far too aware her mind might be making illusions for her to be able to deal with the loneliness and grief. “You can’t be. I’m talking to myself. It’s an illusion.”

 

“And why, pray tell, would I be an illusion?” Harry’s smile fades, and he stare at her, looking almost angry. Like she cancelled one of the dates for tenth time in pursuit of some far fetched story. “I’m here Old girl.”

 

“If you were real I’d slap you for that.” Angrily, Sarah Jane stomped her way over to the fridge, picking up the juice cartoon and pouring the last of the apple juice into a glass. “You died, Harry. I am talking to an illusion of you because today I saw you again while in the oast and I realized that I still miss you.” Her voice is neutral and composed as she speaks, but tears burn in her eyes, threatening to escape. “I miss you _so much._ ”

 

Feeling as though she was collapsing all together, Sarah Jane downed the apple juice in one go as though it would calm her down.

 

“You hate orange juice.” Harry commented from behind her. “The first time you drank orange juice you were in the hospital. They made you drink a mug of it each morning while you were there and since then you can’t stand it.”

 

Sighing, Sarah Jane closed her eyes. She closed them hard, as hard as she could, praying that the illusion would be gone once she opened them again. It was starting wear her down, and she didn’t know how much longer she could bare to hear Harry’s voice talking to her. “I’ll have to go to a hospital if I keep hallucinating like this.” She said, hoping somehow it'll finally chase away the ghost of her past.

“For weeks after you first moved in with me, you used to pour orange juice in the sink so I’d think you drank it, too. You were afraid I’d stop buying it because of you.” Warm hands wrapped around Sarah Jane’s shoulders, holding them in a grip that felt a millions times more stable than Sarah Jane’s emotions. Unwillingly, she melted into the touch, her heart so grateful to have someone there to comfort her in her grief for the first time in years. “Please look at me, Sarah Jane. I came back to you, to our home. It took me so many years but I did it. And I want you to believe I’m here.” His voice is pleading, desperate, and she wants to believe him, she really does.

 

Barely able to breath, every word she could possibly have said stuck in her throat, Sarah Jane turned around to face Harry. Chills ran down her spine as she observed the man standing in front of her in the weak light. Carefully, she let her hand run across his face, feeling the lines and scars that hadn’t been there the last time. She ended her exploration by getting her fingers tangled up in his brown curls. When they brushed against her fingers, it felt exactly as it had used to when they were young, and somehow it was that that convinced her. The feeling of his hair brushing against her fingers convinced Sarah Jane that Harry was real.

 

But oh, if only things were so simple. If only things came true, every time you wished that they would.

 

“Harry” She whispered, her voice cracking as she spoke. “I saw you earlier today and now...now you’re back. And you expect me to believe that’s real? That that’s not an alien or a ghost or whatever else that’s out there just posing as you to get to _me_ ?!” Shaking free of his grip, Sarah Jane turned her back towards Harry again. “How do I know you’re not just feeding off my memories?! He thought I was my aunt. He said he loved me. That he wanted to _marry_ me...but he died. You died!”

 

“I still love you, Sarah Jane! I still want you to marry me!” Ever so quick, Harry grab on to her hands, holding them to his chest and forcing her to look at him. “Please, old girl _see me_! I didn’t spend twenty years being MIA, working to get home to you, just to be treated like a ghost!” Towards the end, his voice grow hard, and if he really was her Harry, then Sarah Jane could tell he was getting angry. “Or is it just going to be like the old days? You, flying off with The Doctor, having all your fun while I stay home, sitting in my corner and waiting like an abandoned pet!” Sarah Jane had never seen Harry cry, not even once, but at that moment tears were threatening in his eyes as he threw her hands away from him.

 

With big, determined steps, he walked towards the door. His hand landed on the handle and he paused, waited, watching if she say something. Do something. Anything at all.

 

Sarah Jane felt as though her heart was shattering into a million piece when she stared at Harry. Never had she known her Harry to be so emotional, so harsh and weak at the same time. It had her completely overwhelmed.

 

There was not words for Sarah to express the fear that grabbed at her heart, as she finally realized what was happening. That somehow, she had been granted a second chance by whatever god was watching her, and she was all but throwing it away in a fit of pure stubbornness. She was letting go of the love of her life, simply because she didn't think she could be lucky enough to have him.

 

“Don’t go!” Harry almost appears surprised when Sarah Jane scream, and even more so when she grabs onto his hands once more, holding them tight. “Don’t leave me Harry.” Tears are rushing down her cheeks and she can’t stop them, an ugly sobbing noise breaking out of her throat as she squeezed his calloused fist with both her tiny hands. Harry came back, but  he is already halfway gone again and Sarah Jane refuses to let that happen. Not now, not ever.

 

Suddenly, she is enveloped in a tight hug. Harry pressing Sarah Jane tightly against his chest, letting her cry with her chin against the familiar blue fabric of his suit jacket. To her, he smells of many unfamiliar things, but somewhere deep under it all there was still that dust and cinnamon mix that had always been specifically Harry. Sarah Jane takes a deep breath, breathing in all those smells that surround him, and she knows she’s home.

 

“I realized that was you” Harry whispered, and she could hear the smile in his voice. “Your aunt would have slapped me, for that question. Always thought it was too weird she, or you, didn’t.”

 

She wrap her hands tightly around Harry’s waist, squeezing it and holding him tight, too. Her face brush against his jacket, and she laugh. “I didn’t want to overdo it. Was shocked you even confused me for her.”

 

“I was stupid, then.” Harry smiled, his fingers coming up and getting tangled in Sarah’s hair. “God, I’ve been thinking about that afternoon for so long...after I met The Doctor, and started traveling with you, I realized that it couldn’t have been your aunt. So I waited for you to look like her, like the woman I met there.” He paused, glancing down at Sarah Jane. “But you never got old enough. You stayed way too young and beautiful...in fact, you still don’t look that old and sad.”

 

Sarah Jane laughed. It felt good, to be carefree and laugh like this with a silly grin on her face again. She hadn’t laughed like this since she was young. “That’s because you’re here!” She exclaimed, and she could feel the broken pieces of her heart moving in her chest, gluing themselves back together again, just as they had started to do when she first met Luke. “You came back  to me. I waited for over twenty years, and you made it worth it!” Tears rose in Sarah Jane’s eyes once more, and as she looked at Harry she saw that his eyes were wet as well. It was alright, this way, she thought.  They were supposed to be standing there together.

 

Always.

 

“I can make it even more worth it, old girl.” Suddenly, Harry pulled away from her. Sarah Jane was shocked, letting go simply because she didn’t have the state of mind to hold on. Shacking, full of disbelief and joy, Sarah Jane watched as Harry got down on one knee in front of her.

 

From his pocket, he pulled out a red satin box. “Sarah Jane Smith, the love of my life and the only person who will ever hold my heart, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?” The satin box opened, revealing a gleaming gold ring inside. In the middle if the golden ring was three small stones. One was violet, one turquoise and one was  coral coloured.  They were beautiful, and Sarah Jane recognised them instantly. It was gravel, gravel from a world half way across the galaxy that she and Harry and The Doctor had visited once.

 

Entranced by the beautiful colours, she and Harry had filled bags of the stuff. Unlike Sarah Jane, though, it appeared as though Harry had brought it with him when he left the TARDIS. Sarah Jane suspected hers was still lying around somewhere in the space and time machine.

 

Sarah Jane didn’t even have words for how perfect the proposal was. She didn’t have words for her answer, either, as tears streamed down cheeks and she did all she could to remember to breath through it all. After so many years of happiness and grief and love and pain, he had proposed.

 

Sarah jane Smith was going to be marrying Harry Sullivan.

 

Harry smiled warmly, obviously taking her  reaction and lack of words as something positive. “What do you say, old girl? You and me forever?”  
  
“Yes. Oh, Harry, yes!” Shoving her hand towards him, Sarah Jane let Harry slip the ring on her finger, before grabbing on to his face and kissing him passionately. She let his hands slip around her body, pulling her into his embrace where she fitted like the last piece of a complex puzzle. _This_ was how her life had always been meant to be, and she loved it.   


The day before she had had next to nothing. She had carried a heavy backpack full of grief and loss that never seemed to ease as the years ticked by. She had a broken heart held together by duct tape and love for what little she had in her life, her son and his friends being the only bright lights in her otherwise bleak existence.

 

Tomorrow, she would have all of eternity stretching out before her. She would have not only a son but a fiance, a man with pure intentions that would not be taken away from her at the altar. She would have a little less grief, a lighter backpack to carry and a heart held together by stronger material.

 

Sarah Jane Smith would have a happy life with her husband, Harry Sullivan.

 

**Author's Note:**

> A comment is worth a million kudos. Please soend an extra second on this page and give me a comment!


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